This ancient website is in stasis and is being replaced! Please go check out the new hotness at

That new site will move here once this old site's content has been completely migrated to the new system. St. Tim taught us in 1998 that Cool URIs Don't Change, and he is still right.

mahna mahna .net
Monday, 22 August 2005
When I was young, I was unfortunately taught to expect a certain bargain out of life. “Work hard,” they told me, “be nice to others, always do your best, and you’ll be rewarded. Good things will come your way.” Of course it isn’t true. There is no bargain to be had with life, no contract you can sign that will remove the uncertainties, the unsatisfactoriness, and the occassional crippling blow.

The playa is different. Last year, the playa made a bargain with me: “Go back out there into that crazy, hardhearted, messed-up world, and survive it for just another year. Get through twelve more months of all that frightful bullshit, and you’ll get to come back here. You’ll get to come back home.”

I have held up my end of the bargain. I have endured another year. I have triumphed over the poisonous air of my daily commute, the noxious environment of the corporate workplace, the frightened and fragile egos of the dating “scene,” the overarching discourteousness and snide cynicism that are the hallmarks of a society adrift, the grey mental clouds that blow in out of nowhere and convince me that it will never get any better than this — never any less confusing, never any less lonely, never any less meaningless. I have changed my oil regularly and have waited patiently for the next available customer service representative. Again and again I have risen, showered, dressed, and shuffled off to another day, just like the one before.

And today, driving over the bridge into another workday, wanting desperately to feel like a live human being, it hit me: One week from now, from this exact instant, I thought, I’ll be home again. That lovely idea has been with me ever since, and I’m having to work hard to hold back tears of joy and anticipation. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so excited to go anywhere, for any reason. In less than a week, I’ll be driving through that unimaginably unlikely gateway, and some beautiful human being will smile, take my ticket, and say to me, “Welcome home.”
posted to /life at 7:22pm :: 2 responses

Becca had this to say (09/07/2005 15:38:49):
OK, Matthew, where's your report on Burning Man? Are you still reacclimating upon re-entry?
/\/\/\/ had this to say (09/07/2005 17:09:32):
Pictures and thoughts will be posting soon. Life is very full right now, as I'm still not entirely back from the playa headspacewise, and I have to leave town again this weekend for a wedding. But believe me, I'll address my time at Burning Man 2005 shortly. Oh, and apologies to anyone who tried to leave a comment while I was away. My anti-comment-spam coding seems to have locked EVERYBODY out, not just the damned bots.

Your thoughts?

url / email: (optional)
remember me next time
/blog (467)
/art (36)
/books (6)
/cinema (13)
/music (13)
/life (97)
/bayarea (25)
/misc (120)
/items (21)
/news (82)
/site (21)
/tech (42)
/wisdom (9)
Creative Commons
2010 (6)
2009 (10)
2008 (11)
2007 (30)
2006 (64)
2005 (58)
2004 (95)
2003 (193)
my Amazon wish list

© 2016 Matthew Newton, published under a Creative Commons License.