Here we have a story from Hartland, Maine. Seems a distraught man tried to do himself in ... via self-crucifixion. He didn't get too far:

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

The poor guy. He never read one of my all-time favorite poems, Love Song: I and Thou by Alan Dugan. I was going to quote from the oh-so-delicious ending here, but then realized that doing so would spoil the effect of the work for those who've never read it. So just go read it!