President Boosh Speaks

My brother refers to George II as “Boosh.” I don’t know why. I like it. If you say it right, it makes the man sound even more ridiculous and pathetic and stupid than he is. (Yes, “even more.”)

Thus spake Boosh: “And all Iraqi military and civilian personnel should listen carefully to this warning. In any conflict, your fate will depend on your action. Do not destroy oil wells, a source of wealth that belongs to the Iraqi people.” But remember, folks: This war has nothing to do with oil. We’re going to liberate the Iraqi people. Yes, by incinerating some of them, and stop asking questions, you, or you’ll end up in the Helen Thomas section.

Your instructions, good citizen.

THIS JUST IN: Poland is going to commit “up to 200 soldiers” to our war. (Write your own joke here.) I can just imagine them arriving at some large base in Qatar. Before they even get their bearings, they’ll probably be told to pitch their tents in a corner and be quiet and not bother anybody.

AND FINALLY: This mysterious flu that’s been in the news is worrisome. As if we don’t have enough trouble. Let’s pray we don’t have the next plague showing up for dinner as well.